Adaptation

I don't know how many people are familiar with Ron Heifetz and his work on adaptive leadership, I guess a lot. In any case, I provide a link just to get you introduced or to remind you of this work.
adaptive leadership

Personally, I believe in this theory not only in the workplace but in everyday life as well. I do believe in the power of adaptation and I try as much as possible to expose myself in situations outside of my comfort zone. Actually, I don't try anymore. It has become a habit and every time I have to take a decision about what to do, I choose the one that I 'm not familiar with. Of course this doesn't mean that I take the right decision, but this is just me.

My sense after several years living like this is like not having a comfort zone at all. I can assure you that it is unsettling. However, I can't stop it. It seems impossible for me to "feel like home". I have no close friends anymore and I face problems in my relationship, since my emotional situation constantly changes. There is not this magic place where I can go and relax and feel secure. This insecurity (created by me) is apparent to my girlfriend, and eventually she feels insecure too. Sadly, I still don't want to stop. In my way of view, people should never stop trying to develop themselves. In my mind, there is always a "what-if" scenario. I constantly try to stretch myself to uncomfortable situations. I want to explore my limits and I always find that I can do something more. So, how can I stop it knowing that there is more? That wouldn't be me.

I was always complaining that there is nothing interesting enough to fascinate me. I was always jealous of my sister (and people like her) who knew that she wants to be a doctor since she was five years old. I never had such a commitment to something.Now, I realize that I have. I am committed to adaptation.

Finally, in an attempt to get some feedback from my actions, I think that I should not share my feelings from this journey. Maybe I should just share the experiences and results.